she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
