Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
