she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
