i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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