your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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