i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
