They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
