I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
