I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
