Where did you get a picture of my penis
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
