Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
