i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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