Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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