This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
