so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
