2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
