Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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