I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
