the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
