On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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