my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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