very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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