Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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