the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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