I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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