Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize