i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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