I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
