Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
