Cold hands, warm shart.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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