I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
