the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
