i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
