uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
