shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
