I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
