Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
