Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
