She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
