You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
