she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
