I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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