WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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