her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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