well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
