instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
