i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
