hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
