Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
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he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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