tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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