New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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