There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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