I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
