So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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