is your mom at the bar?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
