Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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