So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
