Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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