party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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