My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
