Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
