it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my sisters under your porch take her home
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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