How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
