there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
