Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
