And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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