i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
