Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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