On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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