Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
oh god the rape fog is back!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
