What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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