____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
