Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
