Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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