I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
