ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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