i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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