clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
