i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
