Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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