Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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