i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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