I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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