Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
