I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
As shirtless as possible
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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