; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
